Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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