I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
