and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
