Don't you send me to vm
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
