I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
time to smoke my breakfast
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
