I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
