Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
