I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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