i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
