I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
