I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
