I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
