i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
