So drunk, too bad you don't want this
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
