There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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