The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
