remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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