just come out here and I will go home with you...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
