I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
