i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
