escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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