absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
