Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
