Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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