I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
