I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
