He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
