Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
