There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
