O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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