yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
