Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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