She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
