fuck your aforementioned shoe
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
