shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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