How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
