Me. At least after what I've been through.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it's great music for shaving your balls
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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