i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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