Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
