dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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