I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
