saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
