My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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