one might say we're banned from that church
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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