yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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