Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
