guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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