Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I've blown a few things in my day
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
