I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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