Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
