Your mouth is God's brothel.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
