I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
