you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
