every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes