The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.