I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.