the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
