I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she peed on how many people?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
