When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Are we still banned from the library?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
