make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
