walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
