You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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