He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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