How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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