You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
