I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
