i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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