I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
