Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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