im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
