haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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