I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
