I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
