I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
