watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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