also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
