She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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