You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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