My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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