there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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